What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
