what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
