dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
