her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
