She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
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