He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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