Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
