You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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