We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
