you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
