I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
