Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
So squirting runs in the family.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
