I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
