is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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