Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
