drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
