I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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