Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
