My nipple is on Facebook.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
