i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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