would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
