I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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