I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
