put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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