I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
