i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
