My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
