I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
