are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
