i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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