ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
