Plan B is the new Plan A
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I want to fling myself into the sun
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
