Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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