Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
