i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
