Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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