My brain says no but my pants say off.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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