shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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