About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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