A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
