True but thats because hes a fetus.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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