just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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