if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
