Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
