Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
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