Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
