I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just threw up on my dentist
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
