Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
