I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Enjoy the penises
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
