Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
