dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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