I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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