how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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