I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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